Child | Attachment Disorders

Attachment Disorder

Attachment disorder is a sad and unfortunate truth of today. However, adults everywhere can–and have a responsibility to–address the disorder and prevent it from occuring.

Humans naturally form attachments. We make friends, we form relationships with family members, lovers, co-workers, almost everyone around us. Babies especially need relationships, so they can develop trust and attachment. When a baby cries, someone addresses its need: changing a diaper, feeding it, moving it from an uncomfortable position. However, if a baby’s need is not met, the baby continues in a state of unhappiness and rage develops instead of a trusting relationship. The baby will mature into a child without ever having formed a meaningful relationship and will distrust those around them.

Attachment disorder only develops if a child’s needs are unmet. Paying close attention to a baby is extremely important and addressing its needs is a calling that everyone shares. This of course does not mean pandering to a child all their life. By the time a child enters their second year, limits can be set; parents can say “no.” The child will accept this limit, test it, or perhaps defy it, but this is natural for the child and is part of their growing and learning.

Babies cannot do anything for themselves. For them to grow up healthy and happy, adults must do everything for them for the first years of their lives. Without this kind and loving care, attachment disorder will rear its ugly head more and more.

Filed Under: Disorders Tagged With: Attachment disorder, Child, Infant

Attachment Disorder in Adulthood

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Attachment is, as one author noted, “a deep and enriching connection between a child and caregiver in the first few years of life.” However, when the connection is missing, children often suffer from attachment disorder and the disorder often carries over into adulthood if unaddressed.

Children start dealing with attachment disorder during their most impressionable years. The develop feelings of detachment and are unable to trust others. These symptoms manifest as they grow to adulthood. As adults, these symptoms can be severe psychological disorder if not treated. Unresolved attachment issues from childhood make it difficult for adults to form secure and appropriate adult relationships. An adult suffering from attachment disorder bases his or her expectations of new relationships on their experiences in past relationships. There is also a significant correlation between between adults suffering from attachment disorder and marital problems.

While adults suffering from attachment disorder want love and affection, they are unable to express these feelings appropriately. These adults feel sadness for their inability to form lasting relationships and at the same time, are fearful of relationships because they do not trust others. Often, they can not even understand love and attachment, much less express these feelings.

Attachment disorder is transgenerational. If the behaviors that initiated or perpetuated the disorder continue, it passes from one generation to the next. The cycle must be broken in order to treat patients. Therapy in treating adult attachment disorder takes a long time, work and patience to bring the patient to the root issues and deal with them. The work is worth the reward because developing close relationships are normal, healthy and necessary for a happy life.

Filed Under: Disorders, Parents Tagged With: Attachment disorder, Child, Mental disorder

Attachment Disorder – A Risk in International Adoptions

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Adoption is an endearing way to begin or add to a family. While there are a number of avenues for adopting a child, one of the most often chosen paths is international adoption because of the serious need to find families for displaced children. International adoption has potential downsides – one of them is attachment disorder.

International adoptions are usually accomplished through orphanages. Teena McGuiness, an authority on adoption research, notes that one of the most difficult areas of adoption medicine is predicting the needs of children adopted from orphanages. She writes that “the chances of an institutionalized child being normal on arrival at home are zero.” This risk assessment comes from the fact that young children left in economically deprived countries orphanages for long periods will suffer from some form of attachment disorder because of a lack of stimulation and consistent care-giving.

Dr. E. Arnes takes a much dimmer view, noting that an international adoption “should be considered to be a special needs adoption.” He cites evaluations in which 20% of the institutionalized children had serious medical and emotional conditions.

Overview of the Post-Institutionalized Child, notes that “Environmental impoverishment leads to behavioral impoverishment” and goes on to say that 50 percent of post institutionalized children observed at three years old showed symptoms of inadequate personality development such as an inability to give or receive affection, inability to relate to themselves or others and sensory deprivation. The article points to early evaluation and therapy as a critical “window of opportunity” and suggests that international adopting parents should be prepared for the strong possibility that their adopted child will have attachment disorder issues

Filed Under: Disorders, Parents, Relationships Tagged With: Adoption, Attachment disorder, Child

Trusting Your Doctor

The first person other than themselves that parents trust their children with is their doctors. The parents choose a pediatrician for their child sometimes before the child is even born. They do their homework, they speak to possible pediatricians and make a choice based on mutual beliefs and respect. They trust that this is the person who will be responsible for keeping their child healthy and growing. The pediatrician is also the first person the parents go to for concerns and questions about their child’s health, maintenance and behavior. Together they work to raise the perfect child, the child with the confidence to take on the world someday.

Every mom and dad await anxiously for the arrival of their child. There are no before baby dreams in which the baby has a problem, develops issues or is not the most perfect thing that has ever graced God’s green Earth. Unfortunately, real life does not always follow that dream. Children are born with issues, problems, defects. Parents can only hope and pray that if this happens, they will be ready to deal with it, so that they can make the best decisions for their child, choose the best course of treatment for whatever needs to be done.

When a child has an issue, these are the times the parents turn to their pediatrician for advice. If the child has an issue that may require further treatment, perhaps another doctor, the parents rely on the expertise of their pediatrician. They will take his advice and take their child to see the doctor the pediatrician has recommended. Having a good trusting relationship with the doctor you have chosen to take care of your children makes it much easier to choose a doctor to handle your child’s special needs. If you trust your doctor, and your doctor trusts the specialist he has recommended, then you know you can trust the specialist he has recommended, and you will develop a working and trusting relationship with that physician as well.

Filed Under: Parents, Relationships Tagged With: Child, Parent, Pediatric

Patience Is Not Automatic For A Parent

Patience is a virtue. We have all heard that. However, whoever wrote that had probably never dealt with a difficult child. A difficult child is not a bad child, just a challenging child, a child who needs more guidance and understanding than most. It is easy to parent an easy going child. They understand what you are saying to them, for the most part they follow the rules and achieve above at above average levels because the seek approval from their parents. They are not perfect children, but children who know, or at least have learned, how to work with society.

The rebellious child offers a challenge for all of us, parents, teachers, coaches, anyone who has to deal with this child in a situation of authority. The rebellious child is also not a bad child, just one that needs a little more guidance. Figuring out why the child is rebellious is one way of learning how to deal with the issue. This may just be one scared child. Maybe the child does not have anyone in their life who believes in them, so they put up the wall right away, believing they can protect themselves from being hurt.

Parents are given a patience badge as soon as a child reaches the years in which they get to make their own choices. Parents don’t take a class in patience. However, a parent who musters up every bit of patience they have to deal with a child who is rebellious or challenging may just find the right way to deal with this child. Screaming and yelling don’t work. Communication breaks down and no one is listening to what the other has to say.

Listen, learn to listen. Be patient, be patient when you have no patience left. Try to guide and show, rather than dictate and demand. You may just find that this child is saying, “Please help me grow, don’t give up on me.”

Filed Under: Parents, Treatments Tagged With: Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Child, Parent

The Symptoms of Attachment Disorder

Attachment Disorder is a syndrome in which a child lost that all important bonding time during the early part of their life. They did not learn to trust that someone would be there to protect them. Without that interaction with someone they trust, they have learned, mostly out of fear, in essence to take care of themselves. This is a big burden for a small child. There are many factors that can play a role in creating an attachment disorder. A baby born addicted to drugs may not be able to bond with the mother or other adults, their body is in such a state of addiction. Children who suffer abuse can have attachment disorders. Children who may be born ill, having to spend a lot of their early time in a hospital setting, instead of in their mother’s arms can have attachment disorder.

There are signs to look for if you suspect a child has an attachment disorder, and fortunately, there is help. A child with attachment disorder does not trust those around them. They lack self control, and do not realize there are consequences for their actions. They can be bossy children, controlling the situation around them makes them feel safer, as their fear is that they will not be able to control things. They can be defiant, argumentative and demanding. They easily throw temper tantrums, and will blame their behavior on others. They are typically under achievers, and have difficulty maintaining friendships.

There are treatment courses for Attachment Disorder, including therapy to help the child sort out their feelings and fears. While many of the above symptoms can apply to other behavioral diagnoses, such as Opposition Defiant Disorder or ADHD, even post traumatic stress disorder, recognizing the symptoms is the first step in getting the necessary help to figure out exactly what is going on with the child, thus preparing the proper course of treatment.

Filed Under: Disorders, Symptoms Tagged With: Attachment disorder, Child, Disorders

How To Say No To Your Child

Being a parent to your children means having to make really difficult decisions. Your child is the joy of your life and the last thing that you want them to do is to be happy but sometimes for the greater good it means that you have to do some things that you would rather not do. One of those things is you have to say no to your child. This is never fun. No comes about because your child’s well being is at stake, you don’t have the resources to provide something or it’s just best that you lay down the law. Here are a few reasons to say no and why it’s ok to say no.

If your child is going to do something that could potentially cause them pain then there is no reason to ever say yes to that. As a matter of fact your child should be told no. If there is something that is going to cause them emotional pain then there is sometimes where you have to let it happen. However, that doesn’t mean you should all the time.

The key with anytime you say no is to let your children understand why you had to deny them something. Often times kids get the impression that you are doing what you do just to be mean but you know better than that. If kids can vaguely understand the concept behind denial they will be more likely to accept this denial. Also, what you are doing is setting your kids up for knowing that they are better off not asking again.

Sometimes you need to say no to teach them a life lesson. Like if you were rewarding them for good grades but then they just continue to act out. You must deny them the reward. They will need to learn there are consequences for their actions.

Filed Under: Parents Tagged With: Advocacy Groups, Behavior, Child, Children Youth and Family, Family, Health, Home, Parent

Help Your Child Feel Important

When you are trying to parent your child, it can sometimes be difficult to find a balance between your needs and their needs. Indeed, it takes an unselfish person to be a parent. It can help to remember that your child will be a child for only a short time. Although it can sometimes seem like an eternity, in reality there is an end in sight.

As you parent your child throughout her childhood, be sure to take her needs into consideration when making decisions whenever possible. This includes making time to really listen to her when she is talking to you, even if her timing is less than optimal. Taking this time for her will show her that you value her ideas as well as her presence. This can only help your relationship as she gets older and is exposed to more ideas that need adult guidance.

Encourage your child to help you in the kitchen or run an errand with you. It is often at these low pressure times that he will open up. Due to the casual nature of this time, it is likely that he will begin to talk about the issues of his life. Although it can be difficult, particularly at first, try to refrain from offering solutions to his problems. It is likely that he simply wants to talk in a safe atmosphere.

There may be times, however, that she does ask for your advice on how to handle a certain situation. In these instances, try to remain as neutral as possible while presenting all of the sides of the issue. Try, too, to refrain from speaking negatively about her friends, even if she does so. It is likely that she will remain friends with these same people. She might not feel like she can talk to you about them if you speak against them, however.

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: Child, Family, Parent

How To Get Your Kids To Say Yes

Saying no is never as much fun as saying yes. Saying no is a negative word and one we try and teach our children to not say. We want them to embrace life and to always be looking at the positives as opposed to the negatives. You have to be clear that there are times when saying yes is the most important thing you can get a child to say. However, there are many children who pick up the bad habit of saying no and that habit will only lead them to a life of closing off opportunities. So getting your child in the right frame of mind is important. Here’s how you can try to do that.

The best part about saying yes is that it keeps the door open for so much. So the other issue is more about getting your child to understand when to say no and why to say no. Letting them know that the best reason to say no is when it will hurt yourself or others. The last thing that you would want is your child saying yes to making fun of someone who had less than them. It’s never ok to say yes if it will come at the expense of someone else.

The other thing is to get it into practice in your child’ life. Saying yes should be the mantra and saying yes should be the way to open doors. So keep special attention to things that are coming up and say yes to them. Whether it be that your child was invited to a birthday party or that your child say basketball tryouts are next week, just get them to say yes to the idea and you will see that not only are doors opening but your child is leading a more productive lifestyle.

Filed Under: Parents Tagged With: Advocacy Groups, Child, Child Labor, Children Youth and Family, Credit card, Credit history, Parent, SLM Corporation

The Sex Talk With Teens

There comes a time in every child’s life where the maturity of life catches up with them and they start wondering about things that are more adult than you might want your child to be thinking about. One of those topics is sex. I’s a natural thing that a child goes through, thinking about the other sex and thinking about what it would be like to engage in more grown up activities. As a parent you dread this conversation. It’s uncomfortable to you and the child and you would rather not have it at all. But you are also grown up enough yourself to know that a child who isn’t armed with the right information is more likely to make all the wrong mistakes. So if you are going to approach your child about sex then these are some ways to release the pressure on you and them.

Don’t Make A Big Deal About It

This is an important measure. Calling your kid into the living room and having them sit down spells doom to the child. Instead, take them some place where you can have a good time with them and talk with them casually. If kids don’t feel cornered then they won’t feel as awkward and are less likely to tune you out.

Ask Them Questions

Children don’t want to be lectured to. They want to be talked to and the best way to have any conversation is to ask them what they know. You might be surprised to find out that they know a lot more than you think.

You Are Always Around

Keeping the door open to revisit the conversation helps them to feel like they can come to you for anything. That’s what you want them to feel. Make sure they understand that it’s a long process to understand and you’re always there to help them understand better.

Filed Under: Parents Tagged With: Adolescence, Advice, Child, Health, Sex education, Sexuality, Sexually transmitted disease, United States